Depression, Indecision & Chocolate

All my life, these are the 3 things that have ailed me. Life is a cycle. Bad habits are a cycle. Breaking the cycle of the latter to create a new cycle in the first.

My depression causes me to be indecisive and a sure fix is chocolate. Of course this is a temporary fix. I think I could deal more with the depression if it didn't increase my indecision. It causes me to do a lot of self doubting in my decisions so therefor I don't chose to make any real decisions during this time. I like change and become bored easily so you can see how this doesn't work out for me.

Here is a regular day for me right now. I make coffee for the bread winner and he leaves. I check: all recently posted jobs on several sites, all my favorite ebay sellers, my favorite blogs(no these are not all listed on the sidebar). While doing that I watch: Regis & Kelly, Ellen, and the View. I do various other tasks throughout the day and then watch Without a Trace at 2. Pathetic huh? I think the only thing that has kept me sane is I get dressed by 10 and don't wear pjs all day.

The good news is I had a shock today while reading one of the job posts. I have been debating going back to school instead of just looking for another administrative/accounting position. Today I was reading quite a lovely post for an admin assistant for a great company and you know what my response was... I turned up my nose. I actually audibly gasped when I realized my response. It reminds me of that silly game they played in one episode of Friends. Phoebe was helping Joey decide on a route for his road trip and she asked him a number of random questions to bring his mind away from the topic and then threw in a related question. It is always surprising that your subconscious has already made decisions you are not aware of.

Now just comes the fear that presents itself when making a plunge forward to change. I love the fear, yet hate the fear. I think that is what attracts me to change.
Now praying there is room in the class starting in April, they accept me into the program and that the government wants to give me some money and not expect too much back in return.

In Consideration

Lacking any stimulating job leads after what feels like endless searching (yes, I realize it has only been 6wks) I am starting to contemplate another career choice. Throughout my life I have considered many different career paths however when I landed my last job I loved the people and the job seemed to work. So there was a little stress involved, okay a lot, however in some way I do consider the rewards it had to my experience. I think this helps me consider what else is out there as I think if I was completely satisfied with general administration and accounting then why wouldn't I just take the couple of courses I have been putting off for two years. Although I should mention I dislike paying money for education since I find hands on learning more successful. A book can't make you ready for dealing with dynamic situations.

What is my new idea of direction for my career, the medical field. Dental Assistant, or some other varied title of the same job description. I would prefer to be in Optical however it doesn't seem as easy to get into or maybe I just haven't found as many resources specific to that category. I like the idea of Dental as there is continued progress in forms of treatments, analysis and deals with clients.

So far this is just a thought mostly because 1) lack of money 2) still trying to figure out how much EI will cover if I chose to do this 3) am I just bored and as always new is exciting and same-old is boring

Back to life, back to reality

Viva Cuba

This is the first vacation that I have taken that I didn't plan. That is saying a lot. Of course I still looked up reviews on the internet to see what other people had to say about the place that was chosen for me to stay at for a week. There was no real concern though as how bad could an all inclusive be. Fabulous!
My highlights of course were seeing, in their natural habitat, a leaf insect, a stick insect, lizards and many many toads. There was no shortage of cats.

I think this is also the first time I just relaxed. My mind wasn't racing trying to figure out what to do next or what I might be missing. Granted this is a great country for that as there is not a lot around to be distracted with. This is not to put down the grand beauty of the country. I was never been so intent to stare out the window at the countryside. Although there were a lot of roosters and goats to keep me entertained, it was the farmers still using an ox and plow to turn the land that really got my attention. I have read comments by other saying this is one of the last undisturbed places accessible to us. I understand that they live in a very differently run country then us, however there was something really refreshing about not seeing tons or billboards with advertisements or neon lights proclaiming some shopping stop or another.

The beach was amazing. I loved all the trees that were growing out of the sand and you could sit lazily under them just listening to the water and feeling the breeze.
Now I am a far cry from this picture. Back on the couch looking for a job and coming to the realization that no one, no one here pays what they did in Vancouver. It is so hard to think that I am almost making on EI what I can expect to earn from a job here. *sigh*
I am also going to have to realize that the transit system isn't as expansive as Vancouver either. Fingers crossed I find one I can actually get to and from to *double sigh*
Needless to say feelings of despair are in the air. There are a couple of leads that look good, so here is hoping that just the right one is out there for me. I can be patient as I really don't want to get into something that isn't really what I am looking for. It's not like I am begging yet.