My depression causes me to be indecisive and a sure fix is chocolate. Of course this is a temporary fix. I think I could deal more with the depression if it didn't increase my indecision. It causes me to do a lot of self doubting in my decisions so therefor I don't chose to make any real decisions during this time. I like change and become bored easily so you can see how this doesn't work out for me.
Here is a regular day for me right now. I make coffee for the bread winner and he leaves. I check: all recently posted jobs on several sites, all my favorite ebay sellers, my favorite blogs(no these are not all listed on the sidebar). While doing that I watch: Regis & Kelly, Ellen, and the View. I do various other tasks throughout the day and then watch Without a Trace at 2. Pathetic huh? I think the only thing that has kept me sane is I get dressed by 10 and don't wear pjs all day.
The good news is I had a shock today while reading one of the job posts. I have been debating going back to school instead of just looking for another administrative/accounting position. Today I was reading quite a lovely post for an admin assistant for a great company and you know what my response was... I turned up my nose. I actually audibly gasped when I realized my response. It reminds me of that silly game they played in one episode of Friends. Phoebe was helping Joey decide on a route for his road trip and she asked him a number of random questions to bring his mind away from the topic and then threw in a related question. It is always surprising that your subconscious has already made decisions you are not aware of.
Now just comes the fear that presents itself when making a plunge forward to change. I love the fear, yet hate the fear. I think that is what attracts me to change.
Now praying there is room in the class starting in April, they accept me into the program and that the government wants to give me some money and not expect too much back in return.
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