So is dressing up a chicken and calling it your wife

Why is it when you think you have found exactly what you want, after waiting for what seems like forever and taking a pit stop at what you definitely don't want, you find something else that would be even better. Talk about long sentence.
I had a great interview in the environment that I thought I have been looking for.
Cons: It is a commute. Which means paying for and taking transit. The pay is a little under par. Pros: potentially desired work environment and half days on Friday. Eventually pay will go up and if we decided to move closer to both of our offices then the commute would lessen.
The question is, now that there is the potential for this position to be mine there have been several other job posting in the same block as my partner's office. Which would mean we could car pool together. The posting are also along the lines of what my job has already been.
It goes back to my desire to always be changing. I like all the pain and sweat of being in a new environment, yet really prefer normal routine. I guess I like when the decision to be made is obvious.
Deciding to get a haircut, easy. Hair getting a little too long and is showing signs of suffering through winter. Decision = yes, get the hair cut.
Should I buy this outfit, easy. Outfit looks fantastic on me and will be able to mix and match with other items in current wardrobe. Decision = yes, get new outfit.
Should I accept possible job even with my heart hesitating, extremely difficult. So many variables, no sure outcome, possible annoyance of commute and resentment of less pay.
Decision = Unknown, further thought required... restate difficult decision.

ps.. I only work to get a pay cheque, in case this wasn't obvious. If I didn't need a pay cheque I would volunteer my time in much more useful ways. Much more rewarding ways.

Spring is in the Air

Even though fall is my favorite, I have to admit spring is a close runner-up. I will not complain at all of my first winter in the east as I really don't think it deserves any negative attention. Also in consideration of the completely miserable winter I missed in the west. I can't believe I missed it and they received such continual horrible weather. I hear there are great signs of spring there now and shortly all will forget this random winter mess.
What I was getting to was that there are already crocuses springing up from the earth. I am amazed as they have been buried for several weeks under snow and ice and yet they are still green. I guess they are smart and knew the temperture was on the rise.
I can't wait to start planting some flowers and other things. There is a flower bed out front as well as a whole backyard and hooks for baskets. This is a first for me so I may cheat and buy some of the tiny flowers already in their growing process rather then starting from scratch as I would rather have colour then find out I did something wrong. Learn from what actually lived and thrived. The front yard is a heat trap and even on the coldest day feels like fire went you walk out the front door when the sun is shining. The backyard is shade most of the day.
I have overheard from his convo with his parents last night that we are going to Home depot this weekend!!!! Finally!! Not that it is far away, just waiting for the weather to mostly commit to spring.
On another note we went into Richmond Hill area (or Markham??) last weekend. It was fantastic and must be known as Asia GTA as there were endless Sushi, Chinese and my fav Vietnamese restaurants. I enjoyed a fantastic Vietnamese lunch which definitely contended with the place back home. I felt like I was home in Vancouver as driving down the streets there were reminiscent. It is the first time I have felt deeply aware that I miss home. I love being here and if the opportunity came to move back tomorrow I don't think I would want to go. To me it isn't the same thing, to miss it and to want to be there. Now going for a visit for sure!

Birthday Meme

This is how it works:

1) Go to Wikipedia.
2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year.
3) List three events that happened on your birthday.
4) List two important birthdays and one death.
5) List one holiday or observance (if any).


Here are my birthday stats:

Events
1889 - The Eiffel Tower is inaugurated.
1949 - The Dominion of Newfoundland joins Confederation and
becomes the 10th Province of Canada.
1994 - The journal Nature reports the finding in Ethiopia of the
first complete Australopithecus afarensis skull

Birthdays
1929 - Liz Claiborne, Belgian fashion designer
(I went with one here as there were more interesting deaths)

Death
1727 - Sir Isaac Newton, English mathematician and physicist
1855 - Charlotte Brontë, English author
1945 - Anne Frank, German-born diarist

Holiday
César Chávez Day - official holiday in five states and many cities across the U.S.

Now it's your turn, blog readers, to do this same meme and post the results on your blog!

Meme

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:43am (M-F) early for someone who doesn't work

2. Diamonds or Pearls? pearls

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Blood Diamonds

4. What is your favourite TV show? LOST, ANTM, CSI, Criminal Minds, Without a Trace

5. What did you eat for breakfast? Coffee and honey & cinnamon toast

6. What foods do you dislike? mushy green beans

7. Your favourite potato chip? Tandoori Doritos, homemade yam/sweet potatoes baked

8. What is your favourite CD at the moment? Norah Jones - Not too Late

9. What kind of car do you drive? I don't currently own a vehicle however am driven around in a white VW Jetta

10. Favourite sandwich? A really good BLT with crispy bacon.

11. What characteristics do you despise? horrible customer service reps

12. What are your favorite clothes? Fidelity jeans & RW anything

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Italy, the rest of Europe and the Caribbean

14. What color is your bathroom? Ecru, no choice it came like that, accented with dark blue and golden yellow accessories

15. Favourite brand of clothing? RW & Co.

16. Favourite time of day? Midday

17. Where would you want to retire to? I will have to think about this

18. Favorite sport to watch? Ice skating

19. Coke or Pepsi? neither

20. Are you a morning person or night owl? morning

21. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?

22. What did you want to be when you grew up? child psychologist, author

23. What is your best childhood memory? Disney world with our exchange student

24. Nicknames? Fred, Curly

25. Piercings? ears only

26. Eye Color? blue

27. Favorite day of the week? Tuesday

28. Favorite restaurant? I miss Tang's and the Vietnamese on 10th

29. Favorite ice cream? not much of an ice cream person, chocolate brownie explosion

30. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? J.Crew

31. Bedtime? I hope for 10pm, but ends up being closer to 9pm.

32. What are you listening to right now? Rachel Ray's obnoxious voice

33. How many tattoos do you have? I have been saying for 10yrs that I want one

34. Next film you'll see? The Illusionist or The Queen

When you aren't looking, you shall find

I went to the mall the other day. I try to avoid going to resist temptation. It is a gorgeous day out and knew the next couple of days were suppose to be stormy. (freezing rain, blowing snow)

My intention was to buy a new handbag. I have been looking for months already and I am quite withdrawn. I have an obsession that I have wrangled in. The deal is one handbag a season and if I find more then one I have to sell/give away one, which is hard however keeps only 4 handbags in the closet at any given time (5 really, as one is a fancy gown handbag and the same deal applies). I now haven't had a new handbag since September. On the other hand, I feel good because the only handbags I found were really expensive and they didn't have a wow factor for me. Instead of just buying one anyways to fulfill the dire, I resisted the urge to spend money I don't have on something I don't really want. Yeah me!!

In a strange twist of fate, every store I went into had great stuff! I usually just try things on to suppress the urge to buy however today wasn't like that. It didn't help that most of the items I was looking at were on sale and fit perfect. I feel really good about the amount of quality items I brought home for the price I paid. They always say on 'What not to Wear' that you should shop in outfits and invest in key pieces. Since I moved I had let go of a lot of clothes that were still in good shape however didn't do anything for me. I want to have a closet of clothes that at any time I can pick an outfit and feel put together.

Depression, Indecision & Chocolate

All my life, these are the 3 things that have ailed me. Life is a cycle. Bad habits are a cycle. Breaking the cycle of the latter to create a new cycle in the first.

My depression causes me to be indecisive and a sure fix is chocolate. Of course this is a temporary fix. I think I could deal more with the depression if it didn't increase my indecision. It causes me to do a lot of self doubting in my decisions so therefor I don't chose to make any real decisions during this time. I like change and become bored easily so you can see how this doesn't work out for me.

Here is a regular day for me right now. I make coffee for the bread winner and he leaves. I check: all recently posted jobs on several sites, all my favorite ebay sellers, my favorite blogs(no these are not all listed on the sidebar). While doing that I watch: Regis & Kelly, Ellen, and the View. I do various other tasks throughout the day and then watch Without a Trace at 2. Pathetic huh? I think the only thing that has kept me sane is I get dressed by 10 and don't wear pjs all day.

The good news is I had a shock today while reading one of the job posts. I have been debating going back to school instead of just looking for another administrative/accounting position. Today I was reading quite a lovely post for an admin assistant for a great company and you know what my response was... I turned up my nose. I actually audibly gasped when I realized my response. It reminds me of that silly game they played in one episode of Friends. Phoebe was helping Joey decide on a route for his road trip and she asked him a number of random questions to bring his mind away from the topic and then threw in a related question. It is always surprising that your subconscious has already made decisions you are not aware of.

Now just comes the fear that presents itself when making a plunge forward to change. I love the fear, yet hate the fear. I think that is what attracts me to change.
Now praying there is room in the class starting in April, they accept me into the program and that the government wants to give me some money and not expect too much back in return.

Happy Valentine's Day

'Love is the only Gold'
~Alfred Lord Tennyson~

'Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own'
~Robert Heinlein~

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

~Unknown~

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly”

~Sam Keen~

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

~Dr. Seuss~

I'm not ready to make nice

I have loved this song for many reason since the first time I heard it. It has now won. It is reassuring to know there is an agreeably even though the reasons may vary. To be hurt and find the ability to forgive. That is great. That is unmeasurable. There is no time limit, just the ability and choice.

Being born with a defect, that illustrates a great amount of ability to forgive, to understand, to adapt, to realize that although the world judges; you should not feel judged.

To add: Lovin on Smokey Robinson and Lionel Richie for their performances!
Christina you have got it girl, soul and voice.

Artist/Band: Dixie Chicks
Lyrics for Song: Not Ready To Make Nice
Lyrics for Album: Taking The Long Way

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

In Consideration

Lacking any stimulating job leads after what feels like endless searching (yes, I realize it has only been 6wks) I am starting to contemplate another career choice. Throughout my life I have considered many different career paths however when I landed my last job I loved the people and the job seemed to work. So there was a little stress involved, okay a lot, however in some way I do consider the rewards it had to my experience. I think this helps me consider what else is out there as I think if I was completely satisfied with general administration and accounting then why wouldn't I just take the couple of courses I have been putting off for two years. Although I should mention I dislike paying money for education since I find hands on learning more successful. A book can't make you ready for dealing with dynamic situations.

What is my new idea of direction for my career, the medical field. Dental Assistant, or some other varied title of the same job description. I would prefer to be in Optical however it doesn't seem as easy to get into or maybe I just haven't found as many resources specific to that category. I like the idea of Dental as there is continued progress in forms of treatments, analysis and deals with clients.

So far this is just a thought mostly because 1) lack of money 2) still trying to figure out how much EI will cover if I chose to do this 3) am I just bored and as always new is exciting and same-old is boring

Back to life, back to reality

Viva Cuba

This is the first vacation that I have taken that I didn't plan. That is saying a lot. Of course I still looked up reviews on the internet to see what other people had to say about the place that was chosen for me to stay at for a week. There was no real concern though as how bad could an all inclusive be. Fabulous!
My highlights of course were seeing, in their natural habitat, a leaf insect, a stick insect, lizards and many many toads. There was no shortage of cats.

I think this is also the first time I just relaxed. My mind wasn't racing trying to figure out what to do next or what I might be missing. Granted this is a great country for that as there is not a lot around to be distracted with. This is not to put down the grand beauty of the country. I was never been so intent to stare out the window at the countryside. Although there were a lot of roosters and goats to keep me entertained, it was the farmers still using an ox and plow to turn the land that really got my attention. I have read comments by other saying this is one of the last undisturbed places accessible to us. I understand that they live in a very differently run country then us, however there was something really refreshing about not seeing tons or billboards with advertisements or neon lights proclaiming some shopping stop or another.

The beach was amazing. I loved all the trees that were growing out of the sand and you could sit lazily under them just listening to the water and feeling the breeze.
Now I am a far cry from this picture. Back on the couch looking for a job and coming to the realization that no one, no one here pays what they did in Vancouver. It is so hard to think that I am almost making on EI what I can expect to earn from a job here. *sigh*
I am also going to have to realize that the transit system isn't as expansive as Vancouver either. Fingers crossed I find one I can actually get to and from to *double sigh*
Needless to say feelings of despair are in the air. There are a couple of leads that look good, so here is hoping that just the right one is out there for me. I can be patient as I really don't want to get into something that isn't really what I am looking for. It's not like I am begging yet.

You are the Love of my Life

This is the commitment my cousin made to his new wife.
Again, this should be dated December 29th, the day of Julie and Jeremy's wedding.

Everyone seems to be in a rush to get married the minute they start a relationship. I think this is mostly due to the fact that many people are older before they meet 'the one'. Then the modern day okay-ness with getting divorced if it doesn't work out. There is a little worry seeded in the minds of their friends and family of these situations. I admit I was one of these people before I arrived at this wedding. Not that I doubted my cousin, just the worry of do they really know each other or the ability to deal with the real life-ness of marriage. I start to think more and more the reason we doubt is we have lost our faith. We have become jaded in this world and the innocence of marriage is lost for us.

There is something to be said about the beauty of someone professing their love and commitment to another. Hearing their family and friends talk of them, their life and relationship with others.

Oh yea, if you have the full blown wedding; making sure the caterers keep the food hot till you get there is a good idea.

What world is this..

So I should start by saying this post should be dated December 24th as I was not able to post at the time.

I went to the Christmas Eve service at my parents church. I was really excited to go as I have not been to church in a long time and was excited to be filled with that feeling one gets being surrounded by those who have faith in the presence of the Lord. Well it must have been a busy night for him as I did not feel a presence. I was a little distressed by this as I always feel a presence in a church, especially when there is singing. I was thinking maybe it was just me and I was not filled with the presence. I didn't really believe this. I thought back to the images I had received as I walked into the church. An overly baked and dyed woman who looked and no one. Then a teenage girl wearing the smallest skirt and tube top with all kinds of body parts exposed. My comment at the time had been 'at least they came'.

My distress increased when the pastor indicated we would join in one more Christmas carol. As we rose to sing the couple who had been sitting next to us bowled my mom over in an attempt to leave before the song concluded. My mom had been in the process of standing and twisting to let them by however this was not fast enough for them as they pushed by her and she fell backwards and had to stumble to straighten up again.

What world is this that in a church people are so obsessed with themselves and their own agenda that they no longer have time to be courteous to others? These are children of God and this is their act?